it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
