Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
