May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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