It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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