I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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