Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
