frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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