Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
