she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
