I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
