I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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