Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
