the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
