I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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