A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
