it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
