Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
