Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
