its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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