We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk is not a location!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize