She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My life is pants optional.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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