dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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