I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
