I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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