I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
