I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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