Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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