Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
