I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
