??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
