We're facebook friends in real life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
