i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's the barista slut.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
