New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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