dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize