I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
