My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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