I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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