Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
