You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
