Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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