Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i think my cat just said my name.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've changed since you got that strap on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
