The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
