i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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