this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
