I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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