Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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