I just pynch a tree in the face
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
