SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
