hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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