Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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