I wish I only lived at night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
