I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
