She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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