remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize