I'm really into asian looking animals
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
