And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
