Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
