Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
