This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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