i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
