So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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