so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
