I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
