i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
