we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
