Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
