dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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