A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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