There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize