Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Can I color on your dick again?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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