I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
