I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
