I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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