Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found puke in my bra..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
