He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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