I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
