I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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