White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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